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yea why ? seriously , i miss you during these 2 months .

lying to myself if im saying im ok . 

im like , why must you lie to me ? why must we meet.

if .. all the " if " s are running inside my head .

seriously , my past life , what did i do to you that now i must suffer like fuck ?

i cried . i cried . do you know that ?

i guess you dont . you said sorry .

but if sorry can turn back time , that would be great ..

seriously .  sigh . i miss you . i miss 18072012 .

i miss you asshole . i miss you jerk . i miss you ..

while typing all this , im crying . inside and out .

why doid i let go in the first place ? why did i lose this battle ? why ..

why did i let go . why am i upset even when im blaming myself .

whywhywhy ..

im tired of all this . if going les is what i should do , i'll do so .

im tired of all lies . all the hurt given to me .

think , fair to me ? sigh .

didnt blog for many days . and so many shits now .

13 days of nov . fucked up like i never been like this before .

whats wrong with me .

whats wrong with my heart ?

and again , while typing , my heart felt like being stabbed , shot . 

5 more days . 181112 . 4 months .

Calvin , i dont know if you're reading my blog still . 

im sorry , i know you really love me . im sorry .

even when i didnt break with you , you did .

many blamed you , but no , i blame myself .

for not cherishing a great guy . im sorry . 

well , i hate myself for all this . i only cause sadness .

fuckmylife.